Discovering that your partner has cheated on you can be devastating. Equally as upsetting is finding that you were the one who was unfaithful. You may be wondering how you’ll ever recover from the pain caused by infidelity. Is counseling after cheating possible? Can marriage counseling or couples counseling help with infidelity? And is it even worth the effort?
We think so. Every relationship is different, but as long as you and your partner are both ready to take that step of faith, you’re already halfway there. The journey will not be easy, but at Odyssey Counseling, we believe it’s worth the fight. Plus, you don’t have to fight alone.
Couples counseling after cheating can be intimidating. If that’s something you’re worried about, don’t sweat it. We’re here to help. Let’s talk about what goes into infidelity counseling and how we can help you start healing. We’ll go over some common starting points for healing from cheating, goals for marriage counseling after cheating, and more. But before we dive into the nitty gritty of that, let’s review some expectations for recovery.
Steps to Begin Healing from Infidelity
Every relationship will have a different story as to how and why infidelity occurred. Because of this, there’s no perfect guidebook for healing after cheating. That being said, there are some things that all couples can expect to encounter during the healing process. If you’re about to begin counseling for infidelity, keep these things in mind:
Honesty Will Be Your Best Friend
This should come as no surprise. If there was an affair, transparency from both partners is crucial to successfully completing the healing process. Partners who are willing to communicate what led to the infidelity will have the best chance at reconciliation. Discussing your relationship will undoubtedly be painful, but without transparency, recovery will be impossible.
Recovery Will Have Its Ups and Downs
Again, this may seem like common sense but hear us out. All that work you put in will be prone to setbacks. It’s completely normal to feel like you took two steps back after days (or weeks) of hard work. Recovery will be linear at times; full of ups and downs. Although it’s good to validate those feelings, understand that all of this work is moving you closer to a healthier relationship.
Infidelity Isn’t Always Black and White
We touched on this above, but rebuilding trust after an affair is important, but there’s more to the story. More times than not, infidelity can be a symptom of a deeper issue. Maybe your relationship is lacking in healthy communication or perhaps needs are not being met on both sides. Affairs are complicated and have countless roots, but it’s important to understand that there’s usually more to the story. Cheating is not always black and white.
As long as you keep these three things in mind, you’ll be sure to stay grounded during your recovery. There are plenty of reasons not to get divorced after cheating, the main one being that if you take the proper steps to recover, you and your partner can come out stronger than ever. That cheating episode that completely destroyed your relationship can be the catalyst that brings you and your partner together to heal in a safe space. Not only will your relationship be healthier than before, but you’ll also grow individually as people. However, if you and your partner decide that divorce is the best route for you after cheating, there are still steps you can take in therapy to help you better manage PTSD, shame, and more negative emotions that are sure to arise.
Okay, that all sounds great, but what are some steps I can take to begin healing?
Steps to Relationship Recovery After Infidelity
Alright, so while every relationship is going to have a unique story, there are some general steps that apply to everyone. So how do marriage counselors treat infidelity? Whether you cheat or your partner cheats, the first steps of recovery look like this:
Step 1: Let Your Partner Share How They Feel
This first step is typically reserved for the partner who has been cheated on. The person who has been cheated on is going to feel every emotion under the sun. They may feel worthless, sad, angry, shocked, embarrassed—you name it. Working through those emotions with the help of a therapist is important for your partner and for you. This step can be hard for your partner to complete and hear. A therapist can help you both work through these emotions and help you understand your partner’s emotions.
Step 2: Understand What Relationship Dynamic Was in Place Before the Affair
Now that everything is said and done, it’s time to dig into what your relationship was like before the affair took place. Again, this is not to place blame on either person for cheating. However, for two people to move forward, both parties must understand what was going on in the relationship that allowed cheating to be an option. A therapist will help you both vocalize those feelings and ensure healthy communication is kept.
These first two steps can take some time to get through and will likely need to be revisited. As hard as it may be, it’s important to process these steps fully each time. Once you’ve completed Steps 1 and 2, your and your partner’s recovery will look a little bit different. Every relationship is unique and will have different focal points during recovery. However, as long as you remain honest with your partner, listen, and are willing to confront some hard truths about your relationship, your recovery will be successful.
Final Thoughts on Recovery from Infidelity
You’ve taken the first step by seeking out couples counseling, now let Odyssey Counseling help you the rest of the way. Recovering from cheating is no easy feat, but with help, you and your partner can come out of the other side stronger than ever. Don’t lose faith that your relationship can be healthy again. Contact us today by calling 505-315-7397.
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